Let Us Begin... Dear Diary,

Hello beautiful readers!

I am beyond excited to begin this journey with you all and I look forward to seeing where this adventure takes us. I'm not going to bore you all with the details you can find throughout the site, but I did want to explain how I ended up here today and how this platform began (at the end of this post, I will include some guidance on how to navigate the site).

How we got here.

I wish I could say I've been planning this platform my entire life and today is the lucky day it all came to its peak. But, that's just not how it worked. Believe it or not, the specific idea of this platform came to me just a few weeks ago. I was getting a massage on New Year's Eve (belated birthday gift) and the idea came to me in such clear detail. The moment I got home I immediately told my husband what I planned to do. I was ready to begin designing the site. Rewind back to the massage -- I was reflecting on the previous year and how challenging it was, and how I needed 2023 to be a good year. Don't get me wrong, 2022 had some AMAZING times, and we were fortunate to have a relatively healthy year. But, there have been a fair share of trials throughout the year as well, which I believe is what my "reflection" period was mostly focused on. Let's just say, 2022 was my tipping point. It was difficult. There were a lot of adjustments. A lot of boundaries had to be made with certain people. And a lot of self care needed to be had.

Ignore and avoid.

I'm sure a lot of you can relate on being good at compartmentalizing. Compartmentalizing all of the struggles, stresses, hurt, pain, and things you can't "waste" more time on. When I say I'm good at compartmentalizing.... I mean I am GOOD at it. For the individuals that know me personally, I'm sure they're thinking, "Tara is an open book, she doesn't lock it all away, she talks about it." They are right! I am an open book. Especially now. Literally. The way I shoved my trauma away was to talk about it as if it didn't affect me and then task myself with a million more items to distract and stay busy. I just keep volunteering for more tasks, more events, more things to keep my mind occupied.

I started feeling and seeing physical symptoms of what was explained to me later as panic and anxiety attacks. In the moment, I had no idea what was happening. But, it was happening often enough that I knew I needed to talk to a doctor. Now, if you've ever held a job where you avoided the doctors as much as possible because the outcome could affect said job, then you may understand my reluctance to make that appointment. The fear of being referred to a mental health specialist and being stopped, at least temporarily, from doing the job you love to do. I want to be very clear about one thing while I talk about the next topic. I genuinely loved my job in the military. I learned so much throughout the years and met so many wonderful people (friends, peers, supervisors, command teams, etc.). I was definitely fortunate enough over the years to have wonderful command teams that supported their people if and when they needed help. This issue is way outside of their control. This issue exists throughout the world no matter the career/lifestyle.

Mental Health

There are so many resources and training opportunities that exist for mental health care, but I've learned over the years that it can be a sensitive subject and even a taboo topic. I cycled through moments of struggle throughout the entirety of the seven years I was active duty (and life before entering service) but didn't seek help until I started my transition out. I remembered my first call to the Mental Health clinic. I was asked if I was sure I wanted to make an appointment with someone there because it would be documented. Documented. That word alone can be terrifying to a person. Fortunately, I was comfortable enough with it being documented because I was leaving active duty. But, if I weren't, that question alone would've turned me away. Prior to entering the service, I remember any time I mentioned that I was in a 'dark space', depressed or didn't care to be around anymore, it would be received as a joke or I would be told, "tomorrow is a new day". I would laugh and smile about it and pretend I wasn't actually dying inside.

Moral of the story.

From the call to the clinic and over the next eight months--that included several therapy sessions and a lot of journal writing--I was thinking of how I can contribute to try to help others. How can I spread the word to others that are struggling that they are NOT alone? I wanted to normalize that it's okay to not be okay. I wanted to share my story. Jump to New Year's Eve and a relaxing spa and you get the idea of

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Less Thorns, More Roses.

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I wanted to create a safe space for others to help spread awareness that struggles exist and allow an outlet for anyone that may need it. With that being said, I will continue to share my story throughout this diary and throughout my social media.

The way forward.

With that being said, WELCOME! Please check out the site and be sure to read the "Insight" tab to learn more about how this platform works and what 'things' represent (I would recommend going there first). The journal entries will be anonymous so readers won't know who the story is from/about, but I think that's what makes this platform so special. There are also "Resources" listed under the "Contact" tab if anyone is in need to talk to a professional. Please keep in mind, on this blog, I am not a mental health care professional and I am not providing advice. What I am doing is opening my arms and ears for anyone that needs it. More to follow. Happy reading!

Love,

Me